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jokes of the day:
Generous Offers:
John and his wife Mary were having a shower together in their upstairs bathroom when the doorbell rang. Mary heard the bell, got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her, went downstairs, and opened the door.

Their neighbor Charlie looked at her from the doorway, and said, "Oh. I see that I got you out of the shower. Sorry about that."

"That's all right," Mary said, "What do you want?"

Not too much... my goodness you have beautiful skin. It's so pink from the shower. Mary, if I was to give you a hundred dollars, would you remove the towel from your upper body?"

Mary thought about it for a minute, figured why not, for a hundred bucks, and removed the towel from her breasts.

"Wow," Charlie exclaimed, "they are truly beautiful. Listen, for another hundred bucks would you consider taking the towel all the way off?"

"Why not," Mary thought, "that's a lot of money," and she dropped the towel completely to the floor.

Charlie had a good look, complimented her again on her fine looking body, reached into his pocket, took out two hundred dollars, gave it to her, and left.

As she got back up stairs and was getting back into the shower, John asked her who was at the door.

"Just Charlie," she said, as she started to rub his back.

"Charlie Eh," said John, "Did he give you the two hundred dollars he owed me?"
 Restaurant Ergonomics:
A guy is eating at an exclusive eatery when the waiter comes up to his table and asks if everything is okay. The man replies "Yes," but during the conversation drops his spoon on the floor. The waiter immediately pulls a spoon out of his shirt pocket.

The man asks, "Why do you carry a spoon in your pocket?"

The waiter says that the place is so busy all the time, the employees need to save time any way they can. So they did a survey and the most dropped eating utensil was the spoon. Now, all the waiters carry spoons so they don't have to go to the kitchen and get one. The man thinks that is great.

Later on, the waiter again stops by to see if everything is okay. This time, the man notices a string sticking out of the waiter's zipper. He asks what that was for, and the waiter says, "When we go to the bathroom, we just grab the string and pull it out. That way we don't have to wash our hands, thus saving us time."

"Interesting," says the man, "But how do you put it back in your pants when you're done?"

The waiter says, "I don't know about the other waiters, but I use the spoon."
 Dead Priests:
Two priests died at the same time and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for a week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"

The first priest said, "I've always wanted to be an eagle soaring above the Rocky mountains."

"So be it," said St. Peter, and off flew the first priest.

The second priest mulled it over for a moment and asked, "Will any of this week 'count,' St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," said the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," said St. Peter, and the second priest disappeared.

A week went by, the computer was fixed, and the Lord told St. Peter to recall the two priests.

"Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asked.

"The first one should be easy," said St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult. He's on a snow tire somewhere in Minnesota."
 












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