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jokes of the day:
Penis Receipts:
When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals...
"Listen up!" he said in a demanding voice. "There will benosex on this trip. All of you males, take off your penis and hand it over to my sons. I will sit over there and write you receipts. After we see land, you can get your penis back."
After a week, Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited.
"Quick!" he said, "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said, "Sorry, no land yet."
"Damn!" exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him.
Mrs. Rabbit asked, "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for 40 days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. Why are you acting so excited every day?"
"Look!", said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper, "I got the horse's receipt!"
Suitable punishment:
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.
One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
Afraid Of Bees:
A fellow was in the market to buy some acreage. He found just what he was looking for, but it was a little expensive. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that ifonebee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor buyer slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked him if he had been stung.
The city fellow looked up and weakly said, "No, but doesn't that calf have a mother?"
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