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jokes of the day:
Protection:
Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood's mother (being concerned about the increase in violence in rural America) gave Little Red a .45 caliber gun for protection. Little Red kept this gun in her basket.
One summer day while on the way to her grandmother's house, a big bad wolf jumped out from behind a tree and howled to her, "I'm going to screw your brains out!"
Little Red pulled out her gun from the basket and calmly replied, "Oh no you're not, you're going to eat me like the story says."
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Cross Check:An Army chaplain, walking through a notorious section of
town, saw a soldier exiting a known house of prostitution.
The soldier paused on the sidewalk and gestured with his
right hand in a manner familiar to the good Catholic
chaplain.
The chaplain promptly approached the errant soldier, saying,
"I'm sorry to see a good Catholic lad like you, coming out of
a place like that."
"Well, padre, I'm not Catholic," answered the GI.
"But I clearly saw you cross yourself as you came out of
there."
"No - but when I come out of a place like that, I always
check four things: My spectacles, my testicles, my watch
and my wallet."
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Adam Strikes A Bargain:One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"
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