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jokes of the day:
Generous Offers:
John and his wife Mary were having a shower together in their upstairs bathroom when the doorbell rang. Mary heard the bell, got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her, went downstairs, and opened the door.
Their neighbor Charlie looked at her from the doorway, and said, "Oh. I see that I got you out of the shower. Sorry about that."
"That's all right," Mary said, "What do you want?"
Not too much... my goodness you have beautiful skin. It's so pink from the shower. Mary, if I was to give you a hundred dollars, would you remove the towel from your upper body?"
Mary thought about it for a minute, figured why not, for a hundred bucks, and removed the towel from her breasts.
"Wow," Charlie exclaimed, "they are truly beautiful. Listen, for another hundred bucks would you consider taking the towel all the way off?"
"Why not," Mary thought, "that's a lot of money," and she dropped the towel completely to the floor.
Charlie had a good look, complimented her again on her fine looking body, reached into his pocket, took out two hundred dollars, gave it to her, and left.
As she got back up stairs and was getting back into the shower, John asked her who was at the door.
"Just Charlie," she said, as she started to rub his back.
"Charlie Eh," said John, "Did he give you the two hundred dollars he owed me?"
When the Fly Goes Down Three Inches:
There is a fish in a lake watching a fly 3 inches above the
water. The fish thinks if that fly goes down three inches
I'll get it.
Meanwhile on the bank a bear is watching the fish and the
fly and thinks, if that fly goes down three inches the fish
will jump for the fly and I'll get the fish.
While behind the bear on a hill a hunter is watching
everything and thinks that if that fly goes down three
inches, the fish will jump for the fly, and the bear will go
for the fish, and I'll shoot the bear.
Behind the hunter though, is a mouse. The mouse thinks that
if the fly goes down three inches the fish will get the fly,
the bear will get the fish, the hunter will get the bear, and
I'll get the hunter's cheese.
Now stalking the mouse is a cat, the cat thinks that if the
fly goes down three inches the fish will get the fly, the
bear will get the fish, the hunter will get the bear, the
mouse will get the hunter's cheese and I'll get the mouse...
So the fly goes down three inches and the fish gets the fly,
the bear gets the fish, the hunter gets the bear, the mouse
gets the cheese, but the cat misses the mouse and falls into
the water and drowns.
The moral of the story is for every fly that goes down three
inches there is a wet pussy.
Restaurant Ergonomics:
A guy is eating at an exclusive eatery when the waiter comes up to his table and asks if everything is okay. The man replies "Yes," but during the conversation drops his spoon on the floor. The waiter immediately pulls a spoon out of his shirt pocket.
The man asks, "Why do you carry a spoon in your pocket?"
The waiter says that the place is so busy all the time, the employees need to save time any way they can. So they did a survey and the most dropped eating utensil was the spoon. Now, all the waiters carry spoons so they don't have to go to the kitchen and get one. The man thinks that is great.
Later on, the waiter again stops by to see if everything is okay. This time, the man notices a string sticking out of the waiter's zipper. He asks what that was for, and the waiter says, "When we go to the bathroom, we just grab the string and pull it out. That way we don't have to wash our hands, thus saving us time."
"Interesting," says the man, "But how do you put it back in your pants when you're done?"
The waiter says, "I don't know about the other waiters, but I use the spoon."
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